All of the fighting on the platform the past couple days is very unfortunate. My friend is probably the kindest person I’ve ever met, and it is that kindness itself that is being misunderstood and attacked. It’s always a tragedy when people use beautiful tools to cause harm. We need more grace.
Jonathan Hays @pratik I’m not going to speak for him (or anyone) but one of my core tenets is that you should treat others how you would want to be treated. If I did something that required reproach, I would want it to be handled outside of the public commons. To me, that would be the kind thing to do.
Brandon @cheesemaker @pratik why does someone get to tear down whole swathes of people in public but run from accountability and expect everything to be done privately? where the offense happens is where it should be addressed for the sake of the victim(s).
This whole "in private" business is how people avoid accountability. It's basically DARVO (specifically reversing victim and offender - "I'm the poor victim because you tried to hold me to account").
Let's be better and address our crap.
Jonathan Hays Brandon @cheesemaker I wrote some thoughts about the initial situation awhile ago here: https://wand3r.net/posts/on-accountability-and-repair/ and I think it’s very much applicable.
Long story short: don’t perpetuate harm on the fediverse if you don’t want to be held accountable on the fediverse.
Jonathan Hays @mbjones good post. I don’t really disagree with anything in it. Hopefully you’ll read mine from earlier today:
jonhays.me/2025/01/2…
Adam Newbold @GeekAndDad @cheesemaker @mbjones “Calling in” and “calling out” are both useful approaches, and there are different reasons to choose each. https://edib.harvard.edu/files/dib/files/calling_in_and_calling_out_guide_v4.pdf
Jonathan Hays @GeekAndDad @adam@adam@social.lol @mbjones - those are useful clarifications. I will try to carry that forward. Personally, I prefer to lean hard into calling in before moving to calling out. But that’s mostly how I’m wired more than anything.
Brandon @GeekAndDad @cheesemaker Thanks for engaging. I’m Glad it lead to fruitful conversation with your wife! I think Adam’s pdf from Harvard on calling in/out struck the balance. As an Enneagram 8 who’s seen too much harm done I definitely lean into one part of the spectrum but there’s balance to found (although SM is a hard case as so many relationships have little grounding for “calling in”)